CHAPTER TWO

Events that took place between the years 1985 and 1991

THE CRISIS

I found myself suddenly back at home as if everything I had lived through before had been the product of a dream. All my previous strength had left me, I don't know where to. I felt empty, a hollow man. A feeling of failure and guilt took over. Inside me I reviewed over and over again what had happened. From nowhere I developed an extreme sensitivity to everything in my behavior for which I could reproach myself. I understood the unfairness and the lack of love intrinsic in all judgment, and I made heartfelt apologies for any pain that my words or thoughts might have caused. I entered a state of profound crisis and was able to learn from it. I found new values on which I could build a new life. I became a humbler and more rounded person than I had been before.

Nevertheless, guilt was undermining my strength. What would have happened to that Cause which was going to benefit so many people? What opposition will Evil find in people's souls when it arrives in its new form? After a year that seemed like a century had gone by, I had lost all hope of regaining contact with my friend.

THE REUNION

At that time, a family member offered me a job.

"It'll be good for you. It's in the open air, in the countryside. You'll work in a laboratory that's on an animal farm", he said.

I don't know exactly how it happened, but that laboratory work was only ancillary and I really ended up looking after pigs on a farm, exactly as Jimmy predicted.

It was mid-1986 when I received a telephone call. It was an old friend, I was told. Someone came on the line. It was Demian. He asked me if I knew him from anywhere. I said that I did. I was immensely surprised and equally happy. He interrogated me, anxious to find out what I knew about him since he hardly remembered me. Very few words were needed for him to realize that something was happening that he did not control.

"You seem to know who I am", he said. We need to see each other.

We travelled to see each other. After greetings, he told me that everything in his life fitted together perfectly except for the fact that several university friends had asked him about me as if I had been a very close friend. That seemed strange to him but he did not give it too much importance.

That year he was living in an apartment and something happened that made him think. One evening he was going to leave the building but suddenly he changed direction and went into a neighboring apartment. In it, several adolescents were in the midst of an orgy of sex and drugs. He talked to them and, with that persuasive manner that my friend always had, convinced them to stop that insane way of life.

"I asked myself again and again, why did I act like that? The reasons that made me act in that way were totally unknown to me. I thought about it and you were the only thing that didn't quite make sense in my life. That's why I called you", said Demian.

With great pleasure, I told him everything I knew about him. He was surprised to find out that I knew many of his secrets, issues that only a very close friend could know. He did not know any Jimmy. We were together the whole day, talking to each other extensively.

From that moment on we kept in touch with some frequency, mostly by phone. Slowly he recovered his forgotten life. He told me that Jimmy had finally got in touch with him as well. Everything seemed to be returning to the point where we had left it and nothing seemed to have changed. The only thing was that I felt considerably less strong. I was pleased that the Cause was continuing but I was feeling emotionally very weak and only thought about getting better.

I never told Demian but I did not want to speak to Jimmy. I had felt great affection for him and I was hurt by the way that he left without warning. I felt that he might have helped me avoid a lot of suffering and I distrusted him a little. I don't know how justified I was in this but I did not want to see him, and Jimmy did not speak directly to me during this time.